How to AVOID the stress from your Scranton wedding

How to AVOID the stress from your Scranton wedding

07 03 12 panic

How to AVOID the stress from your Scranton wedding

How to AVOID the stress from your Scranton wedding

While stress is normal when planning your wedding (it is the biggest event of your life after all!), It certainly can be managed and should not steal your joy on your big day. Today we are going to show you how you “How to AVOID the stress from your Scranton wedding“.  In lamaze they teach you some helpful relaxation techniques to help relax your body against the discomfort and pain of childbirth. Stress management is extremely pertinent to the delivery of your child as stress can hurt your baby.  Similarly, we can hurt others & we do hurt ourselves when we do not learn to effectively manage our stress.

Dr Don Colbert In his book, Damaged Emotions, quotes stress researchers and authors Doc Childre and Howard Martin on their definition of stress:

“Stress is body and mind’s response to any pressure that disrupts their normal balance. It occurs when our perceptions of events don’t meet our expectations and we don’t manage our reaction to the disappointment. Stress- that unmanaged reaction- expresses itself as resistance, tension, strain, or frustration, throwing off our physiological and psychological equilibrium and keeping us out of sync. If our equilibrium is disturbed for long, the stress becomes disabling. We fade from overload, feel emotionally shut down, and eventually get sick.”  (p.8-9 Deadly Emotions)  Dr. Don Colbert talks about the effect of stress on the body and his cure?  LAUGH!! hard belly laughs- “at least ten times a day”  (p. 178) So, for starters, take a look at this article entitled, “10 Signs You’re Turning into Bridezilla” for a good laugh!

Here are some other practical tools for stress management and the nice thing about this information, is that the tools are transferable to any stress you may meet on the road of life!

  1. Take a deep breath

Thats right. Its so simple. Its a technique counselors will use especially with angry clients or children. Concentrating on slowly breathing in and out, usually accompanied by counting to ten, allows the oxygen to flow steadily to your brain and calm your accelerated heartbeat that stress tends to speed up.

  1. Go easy on yourself

Remind yourself that this is just a season of your life, its one event, and its going to be busy and at times stressful but you don’t have to carry the weight of it on your shoulders. Be nice to yourself and tell the perfectionist in yourself (or is in your life) to take a hike! Paint a “Not Wanted” sign for the control freaks and perfectionists because life isn’t perfect and people aren’t perfect so your day IS NOT going to be perfect. And thats O.K. because its still going to be beautiful and full of wonderful memories as long as you can calm your mental enemies enough to enjoy it. Sing Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be to remind yourself that you do not have to control this event, just simply plan it best you can and enjoy.

  1. Learn to reason with yourself

This tool is the most powerful and absolutely essential for controlling our stress levels. Learning the art of what I like to call, “Truth Talk” & other Psychologists like to refer as, “positive self-talk” is the key to emotional health not just for you as a bride, but as a wife, or perhaps a mother someday, and especially for you as a woman. It requires you to zoom out of your current rush of feelings and be willing to put your feelings “aside” so that you can assess your situation intellectually. When you zoom out, point out the truth to yourself and tell truth to yourself until you believe it.

  1. Identify stressors

If you know that every time you speak to that particular family member, or discuss that particular area of wedding planning causes you anxiety or stress than help yourself out by limiting your communication with that person/about that topic, and tell yourself that you will do something relaxing (even if its only for 10-15 minutes!) immediately following that encounter/discussion. Give yourself a “Pep talk” (see point #3!) prior to any of these engagements.

  1. Take care of yourself 

While this may sound a lot like #2 what is really means is that you need to take care of your body.

Exercise. Schedule time for exercise even if its merely a walk or a 20 minute yoga session a few times a week but its something and your body, your mind, your spirit needs it at this time especially.

Eat healthy. While you have less time than before, there are some short cuts to eating healthy. Keep easy to eat fruit and veggies available. Take a granola bar in your purse at all times and a water bottle. If a family member wants to help out, ask them if they wouldn’t mind making you a healthy meal one night?

Relax.

  • take a bubble bath
  • listen to relaxing music
  • go for a jog
  • read a light novel
  • Drink a cup of tea (Chamomile is very relaxing!)

 

Two musts:

SCHEDULE a massage!! (tell your sister or maid of honor that this is the wedding present you want from them!)

Schedule time alone

Schedule regular alone time with your groom  (do something fun!)

Sometimes…

Practicing a moment of silence, or meditation, or prayer is found to be very helpful.

Sometimes we just need to call a girlie and talk about ANYthing other than THE event (make sure you tell her this at the start of the conversation).

 

Some more “Truth Talk”:

Wedding planning is all about making decisions. Decisions ranging from costs of flowers, the color bridesmaid dresses, who to invite to the reception, to how much time to plan for photographs during the ceremony? All of these decisions can just become absolutely overwhelming. Here are some tools to help you navigate through these many decisions when you just can’t seem to find your way out:

1. Think good, better, best

While flower selection A. are just absolutely to-die-for you just can’t wiggle the cost into your budget so review choices B. or C. Learn to weigh & evaluate by matter of importance and priority and arrive at your decision confidently. Once you make the decision, you may need to remind yourselfwhy you made this decision, but now you can put your mind at ease knowing the decision is made and you can cross that off your list!

2.Weigh in the opinions of others as a matter of priority 

Relationships can affect your plans and cause you stress. There are Grooms who want a greater say in where we place our flower vases, what invitations we choose, and what special score we pick. While this is wonderful to share plans as the wedding is a celebration of two, not one, it can be stressful for the Bride who spent her whole life daydreaming about walking down the aisle in white. It would be good for the Bride to list her top three areas of importance in the wedding plans and be willing to stubbornly fight for these areas but than give room for alteration in all the other areas.

While a bride’s relationship with her mother can be the most tender and supportive during this special time in her life, more often than not, it can be the most stressful and cause great stress (and sometimes depression) for the bride. While many will tell you “this is your big day, just fight for what you want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!” I absolutely disagree. This is a big day for you, your groom, and it is also for your family. If you spend your whole planning time angrily, greedily fighting for only what you want you can guarantee your partner that you will not be walking down the aisle a happy bride. In saying that, allowing another person to control the plans is not going to give you happiness either. Go back to your priority list and fight hard for these. Evaluate & weigh the decisions of others when it comes to other areas of planning. Who knows? you may change your mind and like their ideas. If you decide to not take their suggestions, find a gracious but consistent response to them such as, “I considered your idea and in thinking more upon it, I decided that I’m going to do this instead. I so appreciate your time and help in planning my wedding with me and making this event so special for us!”

3. Remember what its about

On a little personal note, I recall clearly the day my car handle broke OFF my green Beretta and since the OTHER door handle had broken clean off there was no WAY to get into the vehicle. I had just ordered the sandwiches for the bridal party and needed to knock off a few errands that day. I walked home in the freezing cold (it was January) and contemplated my outcomes. The wedding was hardly 2 weeks away, the weather wasn’t promising, my bridal shop had burnt down and I hadn’t received confirmation yet whether my dress had survived, and there was still about a thousand things to do on my checklist before this day could happen. Talk about stress! Than I came to this sudden realization after praying about it that gave me such an inner peace. I remember realizing that if everything fell through and I had to stand in a borrowed dress and the biggest storm swept in preventing all our guests from arriving, that it would be okay as long as it was my love and I at the altar before God. Because that was all that mattered. The peace this realization brought gave me such freedom. I than laughed…and STILL laugh about it. Oh and so you know, my car was fixed, dress recovered, and no storm blew in except the 250 guests that came to celebrate with us!

I hope that you can hold onto the symbolic meaning of why you are planning a wedding to keep you in focus throughout all the ups and downs of wedding planning. Perhaps speaking to your Spiritual leader (Priest or Pastor, etc…) can help you and your groom maintain perspective.

4. Carve out time to be alone together.

It will be a good reminder for you of why are pouring all this time, money, and energy into this one day. It is so very important that you and your man spend time together that is not wedding plan related. CARVE this time out of your week – the week of the wedding that is! You two will be engaging in the most intimate and sacred commitment and it is important to cultivate the priority your relationship will take over everything else.

 

The beauty of a woman lies in her kindness, her affable demeanor and ability to laugh at the future. As a bride, if you can learn to manage your stress and maintain an inner peace and joy renewed with purpose, your radiance will be felt by all who attend your wedding. A guest commented on the article listed here and I thought it said it so well: “People will think you’re beautiful if you shine from within, not because your hair or gown are micromanaged into perfection.”

 

There are many more helpful tips on learning How TO plan a wedding that will eliminate stress for you so if you are newly engaged and have just begun your journey take advantage of some of the links below and prepare to plan!

The Knot suggests that you learn to delegate jobs to eliminate stress and they strongly encourage you to hire a wedding planner You can learn what they have to say by clicking this link.

Here is a great article on possible reasons for stress when planning your wedding and I found this article particularly helpful especially their point on assigning a person to take care of all the wedding day trauma details (a wedding planner, preferably*) as this shields you from having to stress about these details.

 

Some other helpful articles on the subject:

Stress management relief

Fight stress with healthy habits

 

-Janet Lanton aka Mrs. Darkershadesofbrown